Thanks to all who offered suggestions for getting up to speed on pop culture. I received a wonderful email from a Nephew Who Shall Not Be Named (for fear of his father's wrath) detailing all the manner of hip-hop artists worth my time; apparently, I should get "hyphy". Also, Monica swung by to put in some quality time with the SRSG and drop off stacks of DVDs in the process -- Dr. Who! Treme! The Sopranos! Deadwood! Six Feet Under! Veronica Mars! The woman knows her television.
I'd like to say that the only reason I haven't written sooner is because I've been so enraptured by such great storytelling, but that would be a lie. The truth is -- well, I almost gave this thing up over the last ten days; I almost gave everything up. A decision was made, and... well, it sucked. The title of this post is not merely a pithy reference -- it's a pithy bit of complete honesty.
I've always thought myself a noble character, a man in pursuit of truth and salvation not just for myself, but for all people. At bottom, though, I'm as selfish as anyone. I got into this game not for abstract principles of justice but because I wanted to know where the hell my sister was. I got an answer, or a kind of one, but along the way enough wrongs were perpetrated against me and especially against Dr. S. to motivate a whole 'nother lifetime's worth of questing. And now one of those wrongs has come to haunt us once again.
I'm being vague because it's all too damn hard to put into words. A chip, a neck, a gamble; a reckoning, for me and for us all.
I thought about giving up writing this thing, which seems now so frivolous, but in the face of no happy endings I decided that the need to write it all down is greater than ever. Dr. S. used to mock my aversion to professional validation but it is now she who works without recognition, toiling to save the world, and the record must be clear no matter what our own fate may be: if humanity survives it is because she made it so. She is the best thing about this place and I would give it all up, every last one of you, to keep her around forever, but mine was not the deciding vote and Dr. S. is, as it happens, a more noble person than I am.
Lucky for all of you.
